Quiz: Am I Demisexual Or Not?

In a world obsessed with instant matches on dating apps, there exists a group of people for whom photos of strangers never evoke sexual attraction. They can appreciate someone’s beauty, much like appreciating a work of art, but the spark of desire only emerges after a deep emotional connection. This is what our quiz is about – demisexuality, a phenomenon that many people carry within themselves without even knowing it.

What is Demisexuality?

Demisexuality is often called a bridge between asexuality and traditional sexuality, but this is an oversimplification. Imagine that sexual attraction is like a light. For most people, this light turns on automatically when they see an attractive person. For demisexuals, however, there’s a complex wiring system: the light can only turn on if the energy of emotional connection is strong enough.

Interestingly, demisexuality was first described in online communities in the early 2000s. People on forums shared their stories, and gradually an understanding emerged: there exists an entire group of people whose experience of sexuality radically differs from the conventional norm. They weren’t asexual – they could experience strong sexual attraction. But this attraction only emerged after forming a deep emotional connection.

Demisexuality manifests differently. Some need months or even years of close friendship before sexual attraction develops. Others might feel the connection more quickly, but it still must precede physical attraction. Meanwhile, the strength of libido in demisexuals can be any level – from very low to very high. The key difference is that this libido isn’t directed at strangers or casual acquaintances.

Difference from Other Orientations

The topic of sexual orientation is complex and multifaceted. In the case of demisexuality, confusion arises because a demisexual’s behavior can outwardly resemble both asexuality and traditional sexuality – depending on the situation and stage of relationships.

Many confuse demisexuality with high moral standards or religious beliefs. But a person who abstains from intimacy until marriage due to religious considerations may still experience sexual attraction to others. A demisexual is physically unable to experience such attraction without an emotional connection – it’s not a choice, but a characteristic of orientation.

What distinguishes demisexuals from allosexuals (people with typical sexual orientation) isn’t just the presence of a “prerequisite” emotional connection. The very mechanism of attraction development differs. Allosexuals can experience physical attraction instantly, which may then grow into emotional attachment. For demisexuals, this process always occurs in reverse order.

Explaining the Quiz

In today’s world, self-discovery often begins with online tests. And while no quiz can provide a definitive answer about someone’s sexual orientation, it can become a starting point for reflection and self-analysis.

Our quiz is based on the experience of hundreds of demisexuals who have shared their stories in various communities. Each question touches upon a specific aspect of the demisexual experience – from attitudes toward blind dates to perceptions of celebrities.

Interestingly, while creating the questions, we encountered a paradox: what is a natural state for demisexuals might be the result of conscious effort or moral principles for others. Therefore, the quiz pays special attention not so much to behavior as to internal experiences and natural reactions.

How to Know if I’m Demisexual?

The path to self-discovery in matters of sexuality is rarely straightforward. Many demisexuals go through periods of doubt, misunderstanding from others, and internal struggle. Some think for years that something is “wrong” with them until they learn about the existence of a term that accurately describes their experience.

Physical Attractiveness is Not a Priority

Demisexuals’ relationship with physical beauty is a particularly interesting topic. They can see and appreciate aesthetic beauty, just as we admire works of art. A demisexual might acknowledge that someone is beautiful, just as they would acknowledge the beauty of a sunset or building architecture. But this acknowledgment remains at the level of aesthetic perception, never transitioning into sexual attraction.

In this context, demisexuals’ attitude toward celebrities is especially interesting. While many people experience sexual attraction to actors or musicians, demisexuals can be huge fans of someone’s work while feeling no sexual attraction to them – simply because there’s no real emotional connection.

Looking at Others While in a Relationship is Unacceptable

This common misconception about demisexuality needs detailed examination. It’s not about moral principles or loyalty to a partner. Demisexuals in relationships often don’t experience sexual attraction to others not because they consciously suppress it, but because it simply doesn’t arise without an emotional connection.

It’s important to understand: demisexuals can experience romantic attraction separately from sexual attraction. They can fall in love with someone without experiencing sexual desire. This often creates confusion and misunderstanding, especially at the beginning of relationships.

Abstaining is Easy

The topic of abstinence in the context of demisexuality requires special attention. For many demisexuals, periods without sexual relationships don’t present the same difficulty as they do for allosexuals. This doesn’t mean an absence of sexual needs or libido – just that these needs aren’t tied to specific people without an emotional connection.

Interestingly, some demisexuals can experience sexual arousal and desire in an abstract sense, but this desire isn’t directed at specific people. This creates an interesting paradox: a demisexual can have a healthy libido while not experiencing attraction to anyone around them.

Demisexuals and Flirting Don’t Mix

Demisexuals’ relationship with flirting is a topic full of nuances. Some demisexuals indeed feel uncomfortable in flirting situations because social expectations from such interaction often include an element of sexual interest, which they don’t experience toward casual acquaintances.

However, other demisexuals can excel at flirting on an intellectual or emotional level. For them, it’s a form of social interaction not necessarily connected with sexual subtext. Such flirting can be a way to get to know someone better, which could potentially lead to forming an emotional connection.

In modern quick-dating culture, demisexuals often face misunderstanding. Dating apps built on the principle of instant physical attraction, blind dates, expecting “sparks” from the first meeting – all of this can create significant discomfort.

Conclusion

The conversation about demisexuality is part of a broader discussion about the diversity of human sexuality. In a world where the notion of instant sexual attraction often prevails as the norm, it’s important to remember that there are different paths to intimacy and different ways of experiencing sexuality.

For some, the results of this quiz will confirm long-held suspicions. For others, it will be an opportunity to learn more about the diversity of sexual orientations. In any case, it’s important to remember that there’s no “right” way to be demisexual, just as there’s no “right” way to be human.

Each experience is unique, and every path to self-discovery is valuable. Regardless of whether you identify as demisexual or not, your experience and your feelings deserve respect and acceptance.